The title of this rant is certainly not the most apt one. There will be perhaps only a few words relating to it, but I’ve lost the will to care.

God is a very complicated weird word. One could say he is the belief centre of the Universe. Others could say, he offers an excuse to blame all your problems at. I’m more often than not the latter. Because I feel that the former is too painful to fathom.

Everyone agrees, that everyone faces challenges in their lives. Challenges is a word given for problems one can overcome. Problems is a word given to those ones that cannot be overcome. But people in their lifetimes come to a point where they encounter a ‘problem’. It destroys a part of them forever. And if that part is huge chunk of them, then they end up losing themselves. I am currently witnessing one such case in close quarters. When a person encounters such an instance, their belief system is shaken to the core. And to a person whose belief system has constantly been rattled for as long as their lifetime, something unhinges. There is no way back for them.

People love to say this to anyone who has a problem in their life. ” There are people who have it much worse”. Yes, there are. So to counter this argument I have to begin elsewhere.

A person who believes in God, knows that he is responsible for everything, including us. This means that he made us. So this means he knows are limitations and our ‘thresholds’. So then why does he go and not only give you experiences that push you to the limit, but completely annihilate it and then when you give up, say you committed a sin and have to bear the punishment in your next life? This reminds me of those huge profit oriented corporate companies.

Doesn’t he know what will break you? Doesn’t he know that if this happens to you, you will have no choice but to leave him? And still he goes ahead and does it, and then to top it all off, he judges you on how badly you ‘gave’ up on him.

I’m sure everyone is familiar with Job’s test of devotion. But I’d like to share another story, which is a part of the Hindu culture. The story revolves around a saint of the ne Sai Baba.

He was a saint with many followers, and one such follower noticed that a woman was crying inconsolably. On inquiring, he found out that she couldn’t bear a child. And in those days, that was a sign of impurity and disability. So she kept crying and crying and spent her life as so . The follower went to Baba, and asked him, “That poor woman is devastated. Can’t you help her?” He replied; “She’s suffering the punishment for her past life’s misgivings.” The woman spent her entire life sobbing. She went to him personally, but to no avail. And she probably died crying.

So my question is how can you be punished for something your body and your mind haven’t done at all? And these are no simple complications of life. These problems are capable of rendering a believer in life and God into a ever complaining and bitter and depressed mess. So then didn’t God know her threshold? After all he made her. This thing infuriatingly has its own term, called a test of faith. And if God knows the amount of faith a person has, then he shouldn’t be so shocked when people leave. I’m sorry you had to read this.


6 thoughts on “Thresholds

  1. Oh wow. I am so sad to learn that you are clearly struggling deeply. I admire your ability to declare it so openly; most people don’t share the bad, only the good.

    Your world has obviously been shaken. Believe it or not, that can actually be a good thing as it shakes loose all the superfluous things and gets us focusing on core issues.

    But be careful to not toss out what’s truly good/right just because junk got attached to it. Based on what you wrote, I’m thinking you’re about ready to toss God (Christianity) out, but perhaps what needs to be tossed is just some junky theology you’ve been taught.

    If I’m right or even close to understanding you correctly, please let me know. I’ll be happy to dialogue with you to try helping you get a better understanding of God and His role in whatever is going on in your life. So, please, feel free to connect with me through my Contact Me! page on my blog for a more private conversation. Or we can chat here. Whatever is more comfortable for you. Just please know that you don’t have to deal with this pain alone. Just think of me as a life coach/informal counselor/listening ear here to help you think clearly.

    And by the way, “Threshold” is a perfect title. You’re on the edge of choice; the doors of decision are before you. The question is: which door will you walk through?

    I’m praying for you. Praying not only that you’ll choose wisely, but also that you discover and experience true peace and comfort.


    1. I don’t think I believe entirely the excuses I’ve given. But at the end of the day, one does need to give those to blame or accredit someone. This was born out of the reasoning that if life were truly random, then there should be bad and good experiences of equal amount. But if a person is constantly being thrown toward bad things, then you have to hope that there is someone else pulling the strings.
      And to justify that, I mentioned the perhaps somewhat junky theology. I haven’t YET left God. Because there are STILL good things going on in life. But its getting harder to focus on their value rather than focus on the bad one’s. And that’s why my belief is a bit under threat. And the belief of ‘worship’ is getting a bit stretched.
      I maybe selfish in the last point, coz whenever I need something to become a success, I turn to him. So, I suppose I am hypocritical.
      And finally, I want to thank you for having patiently read it, and for the care and comfort. I appreciate it.


  2. You sound at war with your head, I’m sorry you’re struggling. Thank you for sharing this, I’m glad I read it and I hope you find some peace. Simply writing down our truths can be therapeutic and learning that there are people who read them and can relate or just offer a supportive “like” even is so comforting. Carry on writing, I for one will carry on reading 🙂


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s